I’m backtracking here…to August 2007. I was introduced to this guy by a mutual friend who I have known for 10 years.  We were in the military together so I trusted his judgement.  I will call my friend Kevin. The guy whom I was introduced to is named Akim. We spoke on the phone every night for a month when he purchased a ticket for me to come visit him in New Orleans.  Oh yeah, I failed to mention that this was a long distance booty call. I was excited to see him after countless hours on MSNLive. He was very cute and young looking. I asked his age and he said with pride and air in his bird chest ” I just turned 24″.  Damn, I thought, he’s a fucking baby.  At the time, I was 29. Now there isn’t much of an age gap from 24 to 29.  But when the guy is the youngster it can lead to a disaster.  He asked my age and I told him. He replied, as he should have, “you look 24″. Since he stroked my ego I decided to give him a break. What? I do look 24.

I remember he picked me up from the airport a good 45 minutes after my flight arrived.  He apologized and took me to dinner.  I will say this, I had every intention on having sex with this guy.  I hadn’t had sex in almost two years and I was his for the taking.  When we got back to his place I was buzzed from the four glasses of Pinot Grigio I’d nervously downed at dinner. We pretty much attacked  like animals and he had the biggest man part I had seen outside of a porn.  The sex was awesome.  The next few months were spent in a haze of Delta flights, hot porn sex, airline ticketing counters, contemplating and piggy-backing pill packs so my cycle wouldn’t ruin my excursions, appointments to get buffed and polished so I would be perfect when he saw me.  I was getting worn out. I was ready for the mundane.

But the shit that killed me was his constatnt whining and complaining about the most menial shit.  One day, he damn near cried because his IPOD (the bulky 2004 version, which needed to be replaced anyway) was stolen out of his car.  I was like “well, you said you were thinking of getting a new one anyway, right?”.  He looked at me as if I had just asked him if I could stick a dildo up his ass.  He whined when he lost his coveted pea coat at a fundraiser we attended.  I mean, he whined.  And it was such a fucking turn-off.  I offered to buy him another one as a Christmas gift but he stated ” But it won’t be the same one”. I thought, Well, was it a magic pea coat that granted you wishes and gave you dynamic blow-jobs? No? Then shut the fuck up and get a new one.  Geeze.

He also played too many games.  You know, like Playstation 3.  After the third or fourth frequent flier booty call I guess he got bored.  He would play that damn thing for hours and then pout if he lost!!  Needless to say the relationship ended before he was locked up for a DWI and some other loser charges.  It was an experience.  I had racked up enough miles to purchase a ticket to visit one of my girlfriends in DC this past Spring.  I guess I will use the rest for the next adventure.